Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Let me out of this cocoon!

I've been writing the BEST blog posts in my head while showering, going for walks, making dinner... they've been just perfect! Now, here's my best attempt to get it out of my head and heart and into written words!

I've told close friends lately that our family has been in a stage of "cocooning". I didn't think much about that phrase until I was reading Shani the story of The Very Hungry Caterpillar yesterday. I laughed out loud thinking of how similar I am to the caterpillar... eating a little healthy food here, a lot of junk there (seriously... I was working yesterday and 1/2 a bag of Cheeto Puffs disappeared!!!), and then filling myself up with a nice green leaf on Sunday (extra prayer time!).

Anyway, the caterpillar ate and ate, then he built a cocoon around himself and "stayed inside for more than two weeks. Then he nibbled a hole in the cocoon, pushed his way out and..."

Ok... let's stop there! :)

In complete honesty, this journey has been tough. In order to withstand the incredible ups and downs, I've built a cocoon around myself. I've found that sometimes God has us withdraw a bit in order to build us up, strengthen us, and push us forward to the light and life of His plans. It's OK.

However, the last couple of weeks especially have been "dark" inside this little cocoon. It has been almost 11 weeks since we last saw OUR baby girl (the caterpillar only stayed in his cocoon 2 weeks!). And, there is absolutely no indication of when we will see her again. None.

Yes, we received a beautiful, smiling picture of our little angel on the other side of the world. Yes, we KNOW God is in control and will bring her home... but our love for her just grows each day... the longing for her to be with us increases... and this total lack of control of not knowing when she will be home completely stills life somedays.

Somedays I feel like I can't stay in this cocoon any longer... it's been TOO long... it's dark... it's suffocating... So, each day my heart LEAPS at a new e-mail, at a single phone call... will this be the day we hear the precious words that we have been cleared to travel?

We are not alone in this journey and we are so incredibly thankful for our new adoption family. Not only are we blessed with new best friends living less than a mile from us whom can truly understand this journey... we have 8 other families literally scattered throughout the nation that we traveled with on our first trip for court. ALL of us are still waiting. ALL of us are still praying. We have seen families with court dates after us, go before us. We have gathered together in a virtual group hug... gathering together in prayer... all 9 families. We long to rejoice watching each family be reunited with their child God has chosen for them.

We are so ready to "nibble a hole in the cocoon", push our ways out and fly! Fly to our children, embrace them with the incredible love God has given us for them, and bring them home... to our families... to our children here who too have been through the ups and downs and confusion of the wait.

I know that these "labor pains" will soon end and we will once again be overwhelming blessed by God's faithfulness as we become a family of 5. One day we WILL look fondly back on this wait.

After all, I now remember fondly the third tri-mester of my pregnancy with Micah. As a high-risk pregnancy, I was blessed to have 3 doctors appointments every week, a weekly ultrasound, 2 weekly non-stress tests. A weekly ultrasound meant I was able to see "new pictures" of my baby weekly! 2 non-stress tests meant I was able to lay for 1/2 an hour each time and hear my baby's heart beat! At the time it was exhausting and inconvenient... now I would give anything to see weekly pictures of my Ethiopian princess, to cuddle her and hear her heart beat!

I know... long ramblings of a very pregnant adoptive Mommy. All this to say... when our family comes to mind, please pray for God to make a way for us to be reunited with our daughter quickly. Please pray for our children here to continue to bond with pictures of their sister. Please pray for us to have peaceful, patient, understanding hearts... and to continue to share His light and the beauty of adoption!

" But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31


  1. Love this made me teary reading it...I love your honesty and your faith. Continued prayers for you all!